Photo Blog

I have a photo blog! Yeah!
It's here at Ferrenberg Photos!

The Beast of Anger

I got an email from John today, his typical forward of "Wisdom" from Fr. Wayne. But this one caught my attention and I printed it and read it numerous time. Maybe I'm revealing a little too much about myself but I really want to share this. Some of you may have gotten it and if you didn't read it I really encourage you to. If you didn't get it and would like the whole article I would be happy to send it. The article "The Beast of Anger" was written by Fr. George Morelli, and I'll put the article in italics. It's quite long so I only have a small part of it here, the parts that really grabbed my heart.

In order for us to perceive ourselves to be "intruded on" to the extent that it justifies, anger, vengeance, and retaliation we have to have to see ourselves as 'important.' St. Basil tells us "Anger nurses a grievance.” The soul, itching for vengeance, constantly tempts us to repay those who have offended. I am so important, so above others I have the "right" to act uncharitably toward others.

Wow! Every time I get angry it is because I feel intruded on. Over the last few days this statement has pushed me to look at things from a whole new perspective. Do I really think that I am all that important? I never thought so…but???

… the theme of anger is "significant intrusion." We feel some one has intruded on us … Situations (something that someone has said or done or events that have happened) do not produce or cause our upset.

We upset ourselves over people and events, by our "interpretations" of them, thereby making ourselves dysfunctionally angry, anxious or depressed or simply functionally annoyed, concerned and disappointed.

What has really been laid on my heart is this idea that I cause my anger!! And this anger stems from pride! I can easily say, “Who am I to feel this way.” But it is obviously rooted in me somewhere because I so easily get irritated over little things. This has really made me think about my reactions to situations I face on a daily basis. “mommy, mommy….”, “I need this or that.”, “Please stop jumping on the sofa.” “Please hang up your coat.” “I can’t find my book.” “I don’t want to!” The list goes on, but what I see is that really each of these statements, after time, seem to rub me the wrong way. Why? Because they interrupt ME! I feel intruded. How can I look at each situation differently?

Cognitive psychological research has found support for seven cognitive distortions relating to anger and the other dysfunctional emotions:

I can’t list them all but the last one really stung!

• Demanding Expectations, the belief that there are laws or rules that must or have to be obeyed. A mother believes her son should not talk back because she is his "mother." She has the "right" to be angry. (Note God gave us free will, He 'asks' us to obey His commandments. Like Christ, parents can 'prefer and constructively work' toward obedience from their children, but they have no guarantees their children will respect them.) Of spiritual help here is to reflect on the life of Our Lord. He was bruised, derided, cursed, defiled, crucified and died for our salvation. He Himself told us: No servant is greater than his master (Mat. 10:24) ---why would we expect to be treated any differently than Our Lord. It is a blessing if we are treated and honored, but we have no guarantee) A program of rewards for appropriate behavior and punishment, without anger, for inappropriate behavior would be constructive.

Clinicians aid patients in recognizing their distortions and restructuring their responses by asking themselves 3 questions: 1) Where is the evidence? 2) Is there any other way of looking at it?. 3) Is it as bad as it seems?

These psychological techniques have to be applied rigorously and consistently. They should be used whenever we find ourselves starting to become angry

We can reflect on the words of St. Mark the Acetic: Do you want the tree of disorder -- I mean the passion of bitterness, anger and wrath -- to dry up within you and become barred, so that with the axe of the Spirit it may be 'hewn down and cast into the fire' together with every other vice (Matt. 3:10) ...If this is really what you want keep the humility of the Lord in your heart and never forget it...

This active approach toward our becoming like Christ is our vocation as Christians.

It takes WORK to make changes to become more like Him! All the wishing or prayer we do, if it does not lead us to actively make ourselves like Christ, is empty. I do not want to do empty wishing! I think for a long time I’ve been making empty wishes. “I wish I didn’t…why do I act like that…I can’t stand it when I act that way. I wish I could be more…I wish they would…I just don’t know how to stop being so…” Fr. Tom Tsagalakis, who is not only a priest but a licensed therapist, frequently talks about our life being a series of stories. We write our own stories. And if we want to change our story we can close the book and start a NEW story. We are capable of writing a new story and we can control the way it goes. But it takes WORK!

"Since you are God's dear children you must try to be like him, Your life must be controlled by love ..." (Eph. 5: 1-2). Work, vivified by prayer and the sacraments, is the way to advance in our likeness in Christ. Only then will we be able to say with Christ: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" (Lk 23: 34) This is true anger management.

Thank you!

I've recieved so many wonderful replies to my post. Each and every one of them have been very helpful. I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry that I can't respond to each one, but know your input is very appreciated.

You can read the comments here...if you have this decision to make in the near future I encourage you to read them.

With prayer and thought we will make the right decision for our family. I will keep you posted!

Please pray for us!

Humbly,
Susan Sophia

Children and school

Ever since my oldest, Kelsey Anna was about 3 I have debated in my mind and heart the issue of education. I started out homeschooling her in preschool, but by the time we were half-way through her 1st grade year I was completely overwhelmed about life. At that point I had Kelsey, just turned 7, Charissa- 4 1/2, Nicholas- just turning 3, and Joseph 1- 1/2. Boy was it crazy. And as you've read in previous posts I'm not the most organized person in the world. So we went to public school half-way through 1st grade. We've been there ever since and now Kelsey is in 3rd grade and Charissa is in 1st. Everyday I question whether or not this is really the best thing for them. I see them struggle with things and I know it's normal, but society does not support in any way, shape or form the way we as Orthodox Christians are to learn to handle life. Charissa especially, is always so worried (and has been for far too long in her short little life) about what people think, about making sure things "look" right. (I'm wondering if this isn't a side-effect of the amblyopia and her bad vision---if you haven't heard James wrote about it here.)
I just read an article from the Orthodox Christian Information Center titled "Young Children in the Orthodox Church". My husband has always told me that this website is quite conservative and that I need to be careful what I read, but it is an Orthodox site and has really great articles to read. This is a very conservative article to a certain degree but I think it has some great advice to consider. One small part of it has grabbed my attention and has really made me ponder education even more. I have a tendency to believe that what it says is so true. But it is hard for me to really see it as my children are only beginning their public school adventure. Please tell me what you think....not about YOUR education that took place 20+ years ago, there has been way too many changes in our society for this to be of equal comparison, but if you have children in public school NOW and they are late elementary and older. What have you seen? Do you agree, disagree, indifferent? If you homeschool...why? And how? I really could use some input! I know people read my blog sometimes...I know you are out there. What do you think? Pass this on to others to answer....I'd love it!
Quote from Presbyter Julianna Cownie:
To be honest, the atmosphere which prevails in the average public school is not exactly conducive to promoting civilized behavior, much less Christian conduct. The greater part of what the Orthodox parent tries to convey to the child at home will be quickly unlearned at school because of the child's desire to fit in with the herd. Hypocrisy and shame will often have the child leading a double life if the parents are not extremely vigilant and careful.

You can email me personally as well if you'd like.
susansophia(at)comcast(dot)net

Thank you so much for you input!
In Christ,
Susan Sophia

I'm a S.H.E.

One week ago I picked up the book my aunt recommended, Side-Tracked Home Executives,
and within 4 days I had read it from cover to cover. This does not happen often.
Today, I have the 3x5 system set up and my daily cards being used. The weekly and monthy cards are on hold until the house is culled and cleaned from top to bottom. The book tells you the best way to do this and I will follow suit. This is very exciting and seems quite doable. For the first time I am not overwhelmed. I have a plan in front of me and I see the light. I'm not too much of a pack-rat so it shouldn't take too long to cull and clean each room. But I hope to do quite a bit of donating and freecycling between now and Christmas. From an Orthodox perspective...I'll ready my house(and hopefully my soul) for the coming of the Messiah. I've read lots in the past about it being a tradition for some to clean their houses to be ready for the nativity...it's part of their advent routines. Same with Pascha.

Great Book!

In Christ,
Susan

Time Flies...

Once again, I am truly amazed at how long it has been since I've blogged. I get the site meter reports and it reminds that "Sophia Says" exists AND (what's most amazing) that there are actually people who purposely go to my blog regularly. Please forgive me for the disappointment of not writing very often.
Since my last 2 posts life has done some changing for me. The girls are back in school...a mixed blessing. I worry dearly about them but also don't trust myself enough to bring them home. They are in a new school this year, a parent co-operative and I'm really quite impressed so far. My only concern so far is boredom...there is too much time in the day for idle hands. We'll see what the future holds.
I wrote my Aunt whom I adore and look up to as an amazing homemaker and mother. I sent her my last blog and than was pleasantly surprised at her reply! Nearly 20 years ago she read the book "Side-tracked Home Executives" and developed much of her 20 year routine from that! If you aren't familiar with that title, it is the book that spawned the very famous Flylady.
But I couldn't believe it, my aunt, who has raised 3 wonderful children, been a S.A.M. since their births, has a garden about an acre large, and raises chickens is a S.H.E. and was probably one of the first persons ever to read that book! I immediately ordered the book from the library and intend to read it again! I've also been perusing the FlyLady website again...I used to get their endless emails of reminders to do this and that but I found them too much of a distraction. The computer for me is one of my biggest hurdles, so the more I have it off during the day the more I accomplish.
Another difference I've seen in myself the last 2 weeks is that I eliminated sugar from my diet. I've done a lot of reading about candida(sugar overgrowth) and the effects it can have on you and instantly became convince that it was much of my problem(health). Well, half way through my 2nd week of no sugar I fell wonderful! I fell energetic and my mind feels clearer. My goal is to learn to eat more healthful. At the end of this week I'll slowly introduce WHOLE GRAIN breads and fruits back into my diet. But it feels good to get off of the sugar/craving rollar coaster. When we eat too many processed foods and simple carbs (those that break down quickly into your blood) we create a craving/hunger rollar coater that is nearly impossible to get off of. And when you have an overgrowth of yeast/sugar (which is easy to do in our simple carb society of goodies and antibiotic overdosed society) it is impossible. Some of the books I've read to spawn this adventure are: The Yeast Connection by William G. Crook M.D., The Yeast Connection and Women's Health by the sam author. He also has a website with great information. I essentially started the SouthBeach Diet because it has a 2 week initial phase of no sugars or breads. After 10 days I have lost my desire to eat all day...I can actually watch tv without eating anything and it isn't difficult at all! I used to think about food all the time, it seems, and now I just go about my day and eat when I suppose to eat. I am nervous about adding the good carbs back in, but if they are good carbs they shouldn't cause the spikes in bloodsugar to induce cravings. I hope my body has balanced the yeast to a normal level to eliminate those cravings as well. I know I've rambled enough, but I'm truly excited about my findings about yeast and also AMAZED at list of symptoms yeast overgrowth can cause. If you have taken antibiotics even a couple times a year, have had to be on steriods, have hormonal problems(pms, etc), have been diagnosed with fibromyagia, chronic fatigue syndrome, if you feel sick a lot but can't explain it....check out these books or others. It's worth it! Although I couldn't bring myself to do the "candida elimination diets" I am doing my best to eliminate the sugar overgrowth.
Enough, Enough, Enough!
Please forgive my rambling!
Humbly,
Susan Sophia

Sloth

I’ve posed some questions on my last post that I truly would like to try and get some answers for. Or maybe not “answers” but ideas or advice and encouragement.

I KNOW that I need a routine or schedule to really accomplish things beyond the everyday tasks. I do get the dishes done and the floor vacuumed and beds made on a pretty regular basis. But anything beyond this is VERY difficult for me to get done or even face. I’ve written my schedule or “to-do” list but HOW do I face it and stick with it!!?? I have “desire” to get rid of the clutter, “desire” to do some remodeling, “desire” to have a garden so big it feeds my family of 6 all year long and a “desire” to home school my 4 children exclusively. BUT for some reason the “desire” isn’t enough to motivate me and I DON’T KNOW WHY!! Lately it really is frustrating to me.

Does anyone have and answers or ideas? I probably know the answer. It’s probably staring right at my face…but please, if you have any ideas, advice, encouragement or even quotes. Share!

And please pray for me, SusanSophia, a slothful sinner.

conclusion

Well, it’s been too long since I’ve blogged. I’m not sure I’m of the blogging mindset. Anyway, much of what I’ve been blogging about is motherhood and homemaking and how to find a balance or some semblance of sanity in my home. After all this time and reading and research I’ve come to a conclusion. Over time and practice you need to develop a ROUTINE that works for you and yours. Regardless of what it is we want to accomplish in the day we must have a routine and STICK with it. ( I do think that there are certain things that are important to include in our day...prayers, child training, etc.) I highlight ROUTINE because I believe that for a majority of us it is extremely important to set a routine or schedule and be consistent with it, regardless of whether or not we feel like doing it! In the “good old days” so much of their routine was built out of necessity. They NEEDED a baking day and a laundry day and there was always something that had to be done to make a home a home. But in today’s age and specifically in our society there are so many distractions available to us, so many things out there to take our minds off of what they should be on. The message of the society is comfort and convenience and most especially ME.

I’ve found that I need to build a routine out of necessity and stick with it out And lately I really think it is of the greatest necessity. But how does one stick to it? How do you follow it religiously when you have no desire to? I guess it is just like any other thing you are trying to conquer. Here I’m trying to conquer the passion of sloth and MUST persevere!!!!

Lord, have mercy on me!

More from Mrs. Sharp

Mrs. Sharp is talking about the women's literary world of the late 1800's when she introduces us to "Jenny June" a popular columnist for Demorest's Family Magazine.
One of the most appealing aspects of of her column, "Talks With Women," as well as the work of numerous nineteenth- century advice columnists, is her self-assured, cheerful, and always optimistic tone even when addressing sensitive subjects. Perhaps this is because Victorian women were not torn about their priorities and society supported their efforts in the home and raising a family.

I'm swooning as I read on.....

In August 1867 culumn by Jenny June--" It is a high and important office, that of mother, and requires all the best and choicest qualities which belong to womanhood, trained and perfected. Much love, much patience, wisdom, knowledge, judgment, self-control, with body and soul attuned to, and kept in harmony with, the laws of God and nature, compose the divinity which should hedge about a mother, but alas! too often does not... It is no light thing, no easy task to be a mother and fulfill a mother's duties. Incessant care, incessant watchfulness, and all without fussiness, or too conscious restraint, is the price of success...The making of a happy home is the first duty of a wife and mother, and the most important question to her is, How to do it?...Even under the present imperfect conditions, home is the central attraction of every human heart, the inspiration of nearly all effort, the haven of all our hopes and desires. What would it be were women true to themselves, to their high destiny, to their great work? [What would it be] were the influences of home charged, as they might be, with the electric current of active love, faith, knowledge, strength, courage, and devotion to the interests they are bound to protect?"

Oh where has our society taken us from??
Oh Lord, help me to recreate the "art of domestic bliss" within my everyday life!

If you can relate or desire as I do to feel the way that paragraph reads I cannot urge you enough to read Mrs. Sharp's Traditions by Sarah Ban Breathnach (I found it at the library =free)

Outlook on Life

I've realized lately that my big problem in being a homemaker and mother is that I just don't know how to do it! I didn't go to school for it, my mother (whom I love and respect more than I can say) didn't have time to show me how (she was forced into the work world when I was 7). I grew up in the age of blossoming feminism and rising rates of divorce. And now I find myself smack dab in the middle of the 'me, me, me' society.
On top of all this one of my greatest struggles on the path to salvation is sloth. Don't get me wrong; I do not sit around watching soaps and eating Twinkies. I just find it much easier to sit here (at the pc) than to try and dive into one of my many piles of clutter. Or to try and create some semblance of organization. I am always saying that I wish I were more organized, consistent and simplified, but to actually make it happen is like trying to fit a square into a round hole for me.

I’ve decided what I need to do, as hard as it will be, is to rewrite my outlook on my life. I need to prioritize and decide what it is that I really want, kind of like writing out a business plan or creating a mission statement. But to get to that point I need to really try and understand the importance of my “job”. The responsibility I have as a wife and mother.
I’m reading a book right now recommended by Katherine Levison who has written several books on the Charlotte Mason education methods, called Mrs. Sharp’s Traditions.

The first couple of sentences on the back cover read like this: “A sage of the Victorian Age resurfaces with Mrs. Sharp’s Traditions. Are you pleased with your family life? If your answer is ‘no’ or ‘I don’t know,’ Dear Reader, welcome home to Mrs. Sharp’s Traditions, an old-fashioned resource created especially for modern families.” I’ve only just begun reading this book but I highly recommend it! It talks a great deal of the changes that took place for woman in the 19^th-century. She introduces me to Mrs. Beeton who was the author of a book written in 1861 titled The Book of Household Management. I did a google search for this book and was pleasantly surprised to find an Ebook copy here. I MUST share the first section of the first chapter (titled The Mistress) before I close for today.

AS WITH THE COMMANDER OF AN ARMY, or the leader of any enterprise, so is it with the mistress of a house. Her spirit will be seen through the whole establishment; and just in proportion as she performs her duties intelligently and thoroughly, so will her domestics follow in her path. Of all those acquirements, which more particularly belong to the feminine character, there are none which take a higher rank, in our estimation, than such as enter into a knowledge of household duties; for on these are perpetually dependent the happiness, comfort, and well-being of a family. In this opinion we are borne out by the author of “The Vicar of Wakefield,” who says: “The modest virgin, the prudent wife, and the careful matron, are much more serviceable in life than petticoated philosophers, blustering heroines, or virago queens. She who makes her husband and her children happy, who reclaims the one from vice and trains up the other to virtue, is a much greater character than ladies described in romances, whose whole occupation is to murder mankind with shafts from their quiver, or their eyes.”

This statement has greatly opened my eyes to the significance of my role.

Are we really better off? (Idle hands make mischief?)

Although it has been ages since I’ve acknowledged my purpose for this blog—“Homemaking and Motherhood”—I would like to continue with answering another question that I set out to answer. But let me preface it by saying when I sat to write what you’ll read below, it was not for the intent of continuing my quest into “Homemaking and Motherhood”…it just so happens it fits. I’d love some feedback if you feel so inclined to share your thoughts.

I have been wondering lately whether or not we really are better off these days with all of our timesaving luxuries; “gadgets and gizmos aplenty”. All around us we see ads and commercials, billboards and storefronts telling us that we just can’t live without. Simple things like an electric can opener, a dishwasher and microwave…these have become commonplace and just a part of life. They aren’t even looked at as luxuries anymore. A washing machine and clothes dryer are a necessity! Are these things really making my life easier? Maybe easier isn’t necessarily better for my soul! We’ve been reading the Little House series in our home lately and watching things such as “Colonial House” on PBS and I think there is something frighteningly comforting to me about living in those times. Everything you do in a day was to ensure your survival! Proverbs 16:26 says “The person who labors, labors for himself, For his hungry mouth drives him on.” You worked to provide food and shelter for you and your family or for you neighbor. There was NO room for idleness and sloth. They taught their children survival skills as early as they could. Young boys chopped wood and plowed fields; young girls baked bread and milked the cow. The children had their times of play but when they did they enjoyed themselves because it was relished. There was very little room for mischief.

I see my life as one long spare moment followed by another. The dishwasher washes my dishes, the washing machine washes my clothes and dries them. And the biggest and best thing of all—the market provides EVERYthing else. I don’t need to bake bread or grow vegetables or milk the cow…what a waste of my time. Time that can be used to PLAY…and to teach my children to play! We watch TV, play video games, sit and do nothing because “there’s nothing to do”.

Proverbs is full of caution against being lazy! “Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, And an idle person will suffer hunger.” Proverbs 19:15

“He who has a slack hand becomes poor, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.” Proverbs 10:4

“The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” Proverbs 13:4

I truly wish to escape this vicious cycle that seems to have overcome my life. It’s overwhelming at times. I wonder why I feel so paralyzed at times with confusion of what to do next…it’s not because I have too much to do, but possibly because I don’t have enough to do to keep my hands from mischief. Or that I don’t know what to do to keep my hands from mischief. Yes, I think to most it may sound like I’ve gone off the deep end. You might say, “Well, you have a choice, you don’t have to use all those gadgets and gizmos aplenty.” But I never gained the knowledge or know-how to even know where to begin.

May God grant wisdom, courage and diligence to a struggling sinner.

Food for thought

It is no secret that one of the sins I struggle with most is gluttony, because gluttony is one of those sins that very few people can hide. As I read The Path to Confession and a health book I picked up at the library recently I was relatively surprised to find a common declaration between the two. One is a holy book meant to help me to understand confession and the sins I should confess and the other is meant to help me to establish better habits and show why and how.

Excerpt from Food Smart! By Cheryl Townsley (btw, this is a very good book):

“Knowing when to eat is as important as setting aside enough time to eat. The body operates on a schedule, whether we are aware of it or not…one part of the body cycle is this…8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. is assimilation time. Food is absorbed and used during this part of the cycle. Food should not be eaten at this point. All of us have eaten a late-night meal. The next morning we feel extremely fatigued. The reason is because during the nighttime cycle, the body is supposed to be absorbing nutrients and repairing the system from daily wear and tear. Eating during this period robs the body of energy necessary to absorb and digest nutrients. Digestion is a very energy intensive mechanism. The body has little time for healing and rest while it’s digesting. When the body has to digest food during this digestion-absorption cycle, the person feels tired.”

I really thought this to be interesting and wanted to find out where this lady got her information but couldn’t really find anything more online about our body’s cycles. But it made sense to me…it could be an endless cycle for those of us who like to snack while watching TV at night.

Then weeks later I opened up The Path to Confession and this from a completely different perspective:

“The harmful habit of eating too much brings many misfortunes upon people: overweight, laziness and sluggish thinking. Nightmares, or not being able to sleep at all, are often the result! How difficult it is to get up in the morning for those who eat late at night, who don’t just snack but stuff themselves with a hearty meal. Because of gluttony we sleep away the priceless unrepeatable morning with its clear, quiet sky, lovely sun and joyful birdsong.”

Aren’t they saying the same thing? One from a health standpoint and the other from a spiritual standpoint.

Envy Masquerades Itself

Ever since I became a mother and homemaker I’ve been fighting with gloomy feelings. I feel like something isn’t right but I can’t put my finger on it. I usually blame it on depression and/or being overwhelmed with so much responsibility. That seemed the most logical to me. And maybe to a certain extent that is what it is. BUT, as I read “The Path to Confession” with Kelsey Anna (my 8 year old who is preparing for her first confession this Lent) something else was revealed to me. Here is what I read:
”The defilement of envy is one of the most disgraceful of all human sins, and enviers are undoubtedly the slaves of an impure spirit. It is said that every human passion leaves its stamp upon a man’s face. The mark of envy is that it sucks the joy of life out of a Christian, leaving his face pale and sometimes even tinged a sickly shade of green.” And then later says, “You all sense how close envy and anger are—they are brother and sister, and their father is the devil himself. Perhaps envy has plunged some of our readers into meanness, dissatisfaction and fruitless complaining, making them unhappy and resentful of life itself?” Could the deep core of my gloomy feelings be envy? I’m beginning to think it is. I always thought that envy was simply wanting something else that someone else had. And as long as I knew I really didn’t want that persons new SUV or that persons huge wardrobe or a big fancy house (because I have no desire to have those things) that I really wasn’t envious of anything or anybody. BUT…I really think that at some point in my life the sin of envy buried itself so deep in my heart that it is rearing its ugly little head in ways that are completely unrecognizable to me. As a young girl I can say without a doubt that I was envious of those kids who had what I perceived to be everything. And as an adult I can think back and remember times where I was definitely envious of others. But I had no idea that “envy” in it’s full definition was “A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another.”(definition from dictionary.com) I don’t think I am envious of any one specific object or person and I think that is why I have been so blinded from what now seems so obvious. But “Discontent?” and “Resentment?” I think those both abound in me at times. What do I do when I am “gloomy”…I daydream about living near my mom, because then I won’t be so lonely. I daydream about when all my kids are in school all day so I have more time to myself. I daydream about lots of different things that are completely impossible for me to do because I have 4 small children to take care of. Am I resentful? It kind of sounds like it! But a few days ago I would have said…”NO WAY!!! I love my kids! I wouldn’t trade them for the world.” And I still do, that hasn’t changed and never will. But maybe deep down inside I resent them for stopping me from doing what I want to do. Am I discontented with the vocation God has chosen for me?

Lord have mercy on me, a sinner! This hurts! But I know it’s there now…I can confess it (again and again, I’m sure.) and ask God for strength to fight against it…DAILY.

“The Path to Confession” goes on to say, “Do you want to be healed of this vile feeling? Try to always be pleased and grateful to the Lord for what you have without daydreaming about things that haven’t been given to you.”

The first thing I know I need to do is confess! But after that I will begin a journal…a journal of Thanksgiving to the Lord. May God reveal to me so much more through the blessings that I know I receive on a daily basis.

Thank you, Merciful Lord!

Prayer

As many of you know from reading Paradosis, last weekend (March 18-20) I visited the St. John the Forerunner Monastery at Goldendale. I really wanted to talk to the Abbess about some of my frustrations in regards to my family, how could I handle the ever-increasing load of responsibility that seemed to face me on a daily basis, so I requested to do so. As I sat Saturday morning very nervous about the impending meeting I thought I’d write some thoughts down on paper. But what came out seemed so trivial… and as I wrote it became ever so clearer that I already knew the answer to all these trivial matters and complaints. PRAYER

No matter the complaint, frustration, problem or job we can go to God for strength, for answers, for support, for direction. Or to take our focus off of our own pitiful self and back on God where it belongs…only through prayer can we do that.

Lord, be merciful to me sinner.

But as Gerontissa pointed out to me, prayer can be or NEEDS(for some such as I) to be as simple as using the Jesus Prayer throughout the day while working. She told me not to be so anxious but concentrate on the Jesus Prayer.

Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Fruits

Fruits of my labor

Some days, or even weeks, I feel like everything I've done is completely fruitless, for nothing! It can be so disheartening sometimes. But today...today I see the fruits of my labor! God is good! He knows just when I need a boost in my confidence!
We went to a house blessing of some dear friends/family (I consider them more family because they are the godparents of 2 of my children and we love them dearly.) today and were there right up until Great Vespers. We typically don't go to Great Vespers with ALL the children because of the timing...bedtime is 730pm/8pm and Vespers isn't over until 715pm-730pm. BUT I have been wanting to really start going because Lent is fast approaching and I want to take my children to at least a few of the PreSanctified Liturgies (they are one of my favorite services!). Anyway...of course my kids groaned and groaned and fought and groaned some more. I was soooo close to giving up, but was determined they weren't going to win this one! (Where do they get their stubbornness?)
I am sooo glad that we went! First pat on the back from God came when we were singing a very beautiful part of the service and Kelsey (8) looked up at me, paused her beautiful voice, and said "I want to come every Saturday". I think she was reminded how much she loved some of the hymns on Saturday. Ten minutes later, she looked up again and said, "I want to come Wednesday's too because that's in the middle of the week."
Pat # 2: We sat listening to Fr. James read about the Saint commemorated tomorrow and Nicholas (4) was sitting on my lap and his brother Joseph (2 1/2) next to us. They first started fighting over my lap but suddenly stopped and were holding hands and smiling at one another. Joseph whispered (imagine that..a whisper...i was shocked at that alone) "I wike you gecho." Nicho whispered to me "Mom, he likes me." and turned to his brother and said, "I love you Joe." "I love you 'gicholas'," Joseph said in return. My heart melted!
Pat #3 came while we were driving home, the 3 youngest in the back seat jabbering and I barely hear Kelsey say "OH I love the Lord! I just really love the Lord." She went on and on about how she is ready for confession, she just knows she is ready. She wants to go to confession once a month so that she doesn't forget her sins. If you only go twice a year that's too long and your list will be too long and she doesn't want to have a 2-page list of sins to confess. Then we got home and she lined up the prayer book, the bible and said she was going to pray. "I just love to pray. I'm going to pray for a long time." We read the gospel together for tomorrow and read Path to Confession. She loves that book!
And last but not least, Pat #4 came from Charissa (5 1/2). We had just, together, broken a bell she made at school and she was pretty upset. I told her it wasn't her fault, but she wouldn't hear it. It was and she tearfully said, "I didn't listen to my heart, I should have listened to my heart because it can be so helpful."

Thank you most Precious Lord, for Your grace, Your faithfulness and Your LOVE!!!!!

Quote

This does not come from a Church Father but very thought provoking nonetheless.


All sins are attempts to fill voids. - Simone Weil

traditions...

Why are traditions important? Why should I emphasize traditions in my home?

I’ve been reading an article I found in the Handmaiden, Fall 2002, written by Ginny Nieuwsma titled Lest We Forget: Keeping Traditions. I really like was she has to say about small ‘t’ traditions and there importance. Knowing what traditions are important to my family and me, will help me map out the vision of my family that I am trying to determine. But why should traditions be important? Why do we do the things we do? What difference does it make if our dyed eggs on Pascha are red or green? Or whether or not we buy our communion bread or not? Why celebrate and honor our patron saints? The list could go on for a VERY long time.

Nieuwsma say “Those who have come before speak with a collective wisdom about life and eternal truths, and about how to pass those on to the next generation. We must keep this process of handing down the faith active. Strengthening this link between the past and the future is the best way to guarantee that our children will know what’s important, and what must be cherished.”

I love it when she says, “As human beings, we crave events to look forward to, and anticipation sparks joy and creativity.” There is no better place to be to anticipate events throughout the Church year. What JOY!

“Keeping the traditions of the Church will help us remember God and keep Him at the center of our lives. This will not happen by accident. We must be deliberate and determined to repeat those things that have been given to us, and repeat them, and repeat them. Why? Because as humans, God knows we are so inclined to forget.”

“The small, everyday traditions that we embrace help guide us down a straight path.” Which is what I NEED; guidance!

Share with me what some of your family’s small ‘t’ traditions are that you’ve developed over the years. What ways are you teaching your family to always remember God and to keep Him the center of your lives?

Quotes I found on "Children"

"Many teach their children about worldly politics, others teach them to speak foreign languages: French, German, Italian, and in this spend no trifling sums. Others endeavor to teach them commerce and other arts. But hardly anyone teaches them to live in a Christian manner. However, without this, all learning is nothing and all wisdom is madness. For what does it profit a Christian to speak Italian, French and German, if he lives in an ungodly manner? What use is it to be skilled in commerce and the arts if one lacks the fear of God? God will not ask you whether you taught your children French, German or Italian or the politics of social life--but you will not escape divine reprobation for not having instilled goodness into them. I speak plainly but I tell the truth: if your children are bad, your grandchildren will be worse, and the evil will thus increase...and the root of all this is our thoroughly bad education. "
St. Tikhon of Zadonsk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First give your children virtue as an inheritance and then distribute your estate also.
Saint Basil the Great

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The simplest means for confining the will within its proper bounds lies in disposing children to do nothing without permission. Let them be eager to run to their parents and ask: May I do this or that? They should be persuaded by their own experience and that of others that to fulfill their own desires without asking is dangerous; they should be put in such a frame of mind that they even fear their own will.
St Theophan the Recluse, "The Path to Salvation" p 58

What is education?

As I read and contemplate what my vision is for myself and my family, one of the questions that I felt that I needed to answer was "What is education?". Our society has such a broad spectrum of personal definitions of this question but what is it for me? As a mother and an Orthodox Christian how do I go about defining this term and applying it to my life and vision?
Dictionary.com defines it as:
ed·u·cate
v.

1. To develop the innate capacities of, especially by schooling or instruction. See Synonyms are teach.
2. To provide with knowledge or training in a particular area or for a particular purpose: decided to educate herself in foreign languages; entered a seminary to be educated for the priesthood.

In St. Theophan's "The Path to Salvation" he devotes an entire chapter to St. John Chysostoms thoughts on education. (Chapter 9 Lessons By Our Holy Father John Chrysostom on Education) He emphasizes "educating our children's hearts in virtue and piety". Numerous times throughout the 26 page chapter he quotes Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

I found another noteworthy quote from this section of book that I feel should not be ignored.

“If a child learns a trade, or is highly educated for a lucrative profession, all this is nothing compared to the art of detachment from riches; if you want to make your child rich teach him this.”

Note the word “art” in this quote. I found that very interesting.

In the The Handmaiden, Fall 2001, I quote Kathleen Lewis:

“Jonathan and I came into marriage at 22 years old, knowing few life skills. It has taken us 12 years to get even the basics learned, and the lack of knowing them caused conflict in our early years. We hope to give our children the skills necessary to run an efficient home.” She goes on to write out a very thorough list of goals for their family home school education. I like it:

q Cooking, meal planning

q Cleaning a home properly

q Car maintenance

q Home repair

q Laundry

q Money management

q Sewing, handiwork

q The three R’s

q Time management

q Organizing their tasks

q Setting goals

q Parenting skills

q Art

q Church History

q Lives of the Saints

q Church Feasts and Troparia

q The order of services

q Memorizing the Psalms

q Love and devotion to God’s word

q Heart of service to others

q Works of mercy

q Daily exercise (prostrations)

q Yard work, gardening

q Animal car

q Appreciation of beauty

q Classical music

This is a pretty extensive list and as I have chosen to send my children to public school I might feel defeated in thinking that I could even touch a small portion of this list. But I feel strongly that if I can accomplish what it is that I endeavor to do that my vision will lead me to use my time that I do have with my children very wisely. The times before school and after school and into the evening can be very wonderful and loving teaching moments. Learning about organization, cleaning, meal preparation, memorization, the Saints, etc. And the number of days throughout the year that they do not go to public school is numerous! Summers are full of lessons in gardening and canning, home maintenance and fishing.

“Orthodoxy spread by example” (and the love for God –added by me), writes Alvin C. Currier in his self-published, lyrical book, Karelia. “It always arrived being lived out and practiced by a person. It never came as a concept or an idea.”

An article from the Orthodox Family Life called Reinforcing Religious Education in Family Life says:

“Religious instruction was not something understood as an optional addition to a secular education—as it is today in our society. Rather the entire process of education itself was seen as something intrinsically divine because it dealt with all dimensions of life in an integral way: ‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but fools despise wisdom and instruction.’ Proverbs 1:7”

So what is MY definition of education for MY family?

Ephesians 6:4 which says “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Coupling this with teaching my children skills for life and the “art of detachment”.

I need to add a side note of this and how I plan on handling “adding” to my children public education. Alana brought up the question: “What is my role now that they are all in school? Is it still worth it to the family to have me at home?” I answered her briefly in a “comment” reply but feel this is a very important question and needs addressing as I try and determine my vision for my family. While my children are in public school my hope is that they will begin a cooperative education next year in where parents are required to put in 80 hours a year to help out. These are mostly worked in the classroom but there are other ways to help. When you have a classroom full of students whose parents really do care about their education and want to be involved I think it really changes the atmosphere. I will be very involved in their secular education. When they are at school and I am at home my hope is to become very diligent in my prayers FOR them. My hope is that my prayers offered up FOR them more often and more consistently will help to make the road they travel more bearable. Some may say, “why aren’t you praying for them now?” but my only reply would be that I am but it’s far more difficult to do the amount of prayers that I really wish I could do when there are yet two very young and active little boys in the home. I try to do my best and I try to whisper the Jesus Prayer throughout the entire day but I would love to be able to pray the entire Akathist to the Nurturer of Children EVERYDAY. Can I do that now? No it would be unrealistic of me to even try. Bits and pieces here and there float up to our Awesome God, but oh how I wish for more. “In time” is what I’ve heard from others who’ve been where I am now.

Homemaking and Motherhood II

I just read an article in The Handmaiden by Fr. John Mack. It was a question/answer style article and the question asked was "What are the problems causing the breakdown of marriage today? Has that changed from, say, fifty years ago?"

His reply:
"I've done a lot of thinking about this one, especially as I talk to couples. I really believe that the number one problem today is the fact that most of us live seperate from our extended family. We live in a world in which the family unit, the nuclear family, is very often isolated from an extended family, from a community. We don't see our extended family often, we don't even know our neighbors. We're so busy going back and forth to work that there's not a sense of community. What has happened is that the individual relationship between husband and a wife has to be so much more than it was eighty years ago. When I talk to people who have been married 50-60 years, they have a realistic attitude about their marriage--'My husband is wonderful, but there are some things that he doesn't do well.' But most of those people lived in the context of a larger family or community in which they never expected their husbands or wives to meet their every need. Thus they were able to support each other and receive from each other, without demanding that the marriage be everything.
It seems to me in our modern day, when we're so isolated from our extended family and community, there's so much more pressure on the relationship. Especially when you add kids. In the old days, when your child was driving you nuts, you could say, 'Would you go across the street and spend some time with Aunt Jane?' You could pass your child off and have some time to reflect. Now, in most families, we live in our little houses. We come home and we're tired from work. The nuclear family has to do everything. God never intended the nuclear family to be everything. I often say to husbands and wives that there is no way that one person is going to meet all of your emtional needs. It's not possible. We have to live our marriages out in light of a larger community."

This short paragraph speaks VOLUMES! (The bold within the quote was my emphasis.)

And makes me wish even more desperately for the gap of 1700 miles to close between my extended family and me.