Fathers (and mothers)

>For Father's Day this year Kelsey Anna spent a great deal of time creating a music CD to give to James. She spent her money at iTunes and searched through our CD's picking songs that seemed to fit a father/daughter theme. She did an incredible job. I just recently really started listening to this CD and I've got to say it really makes me think. Mostly about how fast my kids are growing up, how much time I waste during these years that I have with them. In no time flat they will be grown and on their own. There is one song in particular that has me in tears nearly every time because it is actually written from a daughter to her mother. It's a Taylor Swift song but it isn't one that has ever been released like on the radio. It's called The Best Day. What gets me about this song is the relationship between mother and daughter. I want desperately to have my daughters look back when they are older and say just this! Will they? I'm really not sure. I think I really need to sit back and relax! Relax about all the tiny details that I fuss about all the time. Relish in this VERY SHORT time I will have with them to build a loving relationship. Stop worrying about every little detail and when I do....give it to God and know that He is all merciful, all gracious and in control of everything. By His grace it will all be okay.


Smile and laugh with them. Have fun learning with them, instead of looking at it as a chore. All too soon, this time will be over, but being their mother will never end. I want them to always know they are loved. And I only have one chance.

Good ol' HIPAA

So, we've had well-check visits this week at a couple different times. Yesterday I took my 12 1/2 year old daughter in for her well-visit. She is healthy and doing well. She still wants me to go in with her, well, you know...I'm her mama.
Today, I went in with the boys. As I checked in the receptionist asked me if I wanted to fill out a form to give me access to their medical records online like I have with mine. I can make appointments, check lab results, email their doctor, etc. I said I'd love to and asked for 2 more forms for my daughters as well. Before agreeing they asked me how old they were and I so I told them the ages. I then get to find out that there probably isn't any point since in 6 months from now it will all be canceled because she'll be 13. I said, "so."
Apparently, due to HIPAA laws, my daughter (in 6 months from now) has the RIGHT to her medical privacy with regards to drugs, sex and MENTAL HEALTH!! In 6 months from now I have NO RIGHT to know anything about my daughter with regards to those 3 topics! She'll be THIRTEEN!!! NOT 18, not 21... THIRTEEN!!! I was astonished...my heart was actually doing flip flops! The ladies behind the desk...all three of them saw my amazement and AGREED with me! They are equally irritated by the absolute audacity of it all.

My question to HIPAA...whose going to pay the bills!?

Thank you, Molly!!

I just finished reading Close to Home by Molly Sabourin. I ordered this book from the library(which I posted about here), they didn't have it but I put in a purchase request and they bought it.

First, I need to say THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU Molly for writing this book. Thank you God for giving Molly the words to put on paper, words I believe so many mothers need to hear. Words of encouragment. Words of comfort, knowing that I am NOT alone in the race. That I am not the only mother with these thoughts racing through my head. Thoughts of doubt and fear. Thank you for bringing to these thoughts an Orthodox understanding, a perspective that I just didn't see and REALLY needed to hear.

This blog post is the only way I can thank you, Molly. By letting you know how incredibly real this book was to me. And by sharing with those that may happen upon my blog...this is a MUST READ for all mothers...Orthodox or otherwise.

Here is one section that really hit home for me. And it feels so good to know I'm not alone!!!

Of the many cracks in my mothering armor, there is one that leaves my children and me particularly vulnerable to harm: a subconscious habit of judging my family in regard to how we mearsure up to others. I am ashamed to admit how many years I wasted trying to be somebody I wasn't, or how many M&M's I consumed because our papers were chronically out of order, the clutter more conniving than my impractical cleaning schedule, or because the laundry had washed with a tube of greasy Chapstick in my pants pocket...again.
I got downright crabby when my idealized self stood just inches out of reach, looking more muscular, organized , and outgoing than this all-too-human flabby-thighted mother pressing her nose against the glass that divided heavily marketed pipe dreams from reality. My neck was chronically sore from craning over fences for a nice long look at where the grass was always greener, the children better behaved, and scrapbooks filled to overflowing with anecdotes and updated photographs. Guess how few people were blessed by my neurotic desire for flawlessness?

Later in the chapter regarding the above...

I could try to be you, all clever and crafty and virtuous, or her with the delicate feminine disposition; but eventually my real, Molly Ann Sabourin self would rip holes all through that disingenuous disguise. It is my first fruits God is asking of me--my talents, my quirky habits and convictions. It would be awefully counterproductive to try ato work out my own salvation with fear and trembling by concentrating on everybody else's.
I know I am impatient. I know I am absent-minded. I know I struggle with being too impulsive and easily distracted. I know I am sefish, but I also know that I am the very best mom for the wonderfully human kids God gave me. If I start each day with a prayer of humility, admitting that on my own I will really mess things up, my mind and heart remain open for help and direction. I set tiny goals, like not yelling through breakfast, or putting aside my "work" to sit and play one game of the children's choice.

I needed that!

One last quote from her chapter Acceptance...this is huge for me....

The quiestion I need to ask myself is not, "What, in addition to the blessings right before me, would make me happier?" It is rather, "What do I need to rid myself of in order not to get sidetracked from my first and foremost goal of achieving salvation?"

Whoa! There is so much more in this book that is just...wow! For me!

I think I'll read it again before it's due! (or buy my own!)

Thank you again, Molly!!

(It's really late so please forgive the typos and if they are really bad please dont' hesitate to let me know.)

Admonitions for Parents finale...because I can't post everyday!

It's just too much work to post everyday! So I highly recommend that you go here to read the entire article (if you haven't already) and I will leave you with this one that is...well...wow!

27. I have said this so that you would know that God will not be condescending to those who are neglectful of those for whom He Himself takes such care. For it is impossible that one and the same God should do so much to save these (children), yet pay no attention when their own parents disdain them. He will not ignore this, but to the contrary, He will all the more fearfully display His displeasure and wrath, as it actually hap pens. Therefore the blessed Paul insistently convinces us, saying: Ye fathers... bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). If we [4] are obligated to tirelessly care for their souls, as they that must give account (Heb. 13:17), so much more is the father (obligated to do it), who gave birth to the son, brought him up and lives constantly with him. For just as he can find no excuse for his own sins, he cannot find one for his childrens misdeeds. The blessed Paul showed this same thing. Describing how those who have accepted authority over others should be, he requires care for their own children over all other requirements, so that we have no excuse for our childrens unruliness (I Tim. 3,4, 5). And this is perfectly just! If evil in people is from nature, then everyone would have a right to excuse himself; but as we ourselves are impious or honorable according to our own will, then what good excuse could one present who has allowed his son, whom he loves more than anything, to come to impiety and dishonor? That he did not want to make him honorable? But not one father will say that nature itself insistently and incessantly inspires him toward this. Or that he was not able to do it? But this also cannot be said; for everything—that he took his son under his protection at a tender age, and that he alone primarily has been given authority over him, and that he constantly had him around—all of this makes the education of his son very easy and convenient. It means that the childrens unruliness comes from nothing other than the insane attachment of the fathers to earthly cares. Paying attention only to earthly cares, and counting nothing to be more important, they involuntarily begin to neglect the souls of their children. I will say of these fathers (and let no one consider these words to be born of anger), that they are even worse than child-killers. The one only sunders the body from the soul, but the other casts them both into the fires of gehenna. Death is inevitable according to the natural order, but the second fate could have been avoided if the fathers neglect had not led up to it. Physical death can be ended instantly by the resurrection when it comes, but no reward awaits the lost soul; it will receive not resurrection, but will have to suffer eternally. This means that we not unjustly call those fathers worse than child-killers. It is not so cruel to sharpen the sword, take it in the right hand and plunge it into the little childs heart, as it is to destroy and degrade the soul, for there is nothing equal to the soul.

Admonitions for Parents 6 & 7

I missed a day...so here are 2 days worth of wisdom from St. John Chrysostom.

9. Let us suppose that you fulfill the commandment of the law in every other respect, but being unfaithful in this one commandment you will be severely punished. Listen to this proof taken from the history of one ancient people. You will immediately see to what terrible punishment those fathers subject themselves who neglect their childrens upbringing. Among the Jews was one priest who was respected for his meek character. His name was Eli. This priest had two sons who had given themselves over to every vice. The father did not concern himself with this and paid little attention, or if their depravity, having reached the limit, forced him to reproach them, he did it without the necessary fervor and authority. He should have punished them severely, thrown them out of his presence taken strict measures in order to put a stop to the outrage. He did nothing of the sort. He limited himself to giving them a form of admonition: Nay, my Sons, for the report which I hear is not good; do not so (I Kings 2:24). Is this what he should have said? They offended the One to Whom they owe their existence, and he still accepts them as part of his family? His admonition was useless and vain. No, this demanded not an admonition, but a strong lesson, severe torments, a treatment as strong as the evil. He should have used fear to root their young hearts out of this blindness. An admonition! Elis sons had no lack of these. O useless words! O criminal meekness by which they became victims! A war began, and the wretches became the spoils of their enemy. When their father learned of their misfortune, he fell to the ground and, smashing his head, died.

10. I have just told you that fathers who do not take care to give their children a Christian upbringing are murderers of their own children. Is it not true? Who should Eli blame for his son's death? Himself. True, the enemys sword slew them, but the neglect of their false father directed the blow. Abandoned by heavenly help, they appeared naked against the arrows of the Philistines. The father destroyed himself and them. Meanwhile, we see the same thing before ourselves daily. How many parents there are who do not want to take upon themselves this labor of correcting their unsubmissive and unruly children! They are as if afraid to upset their children by reigning in with stern words the vicious tendencies to which they have submitted themselves. What is the outcome? Their disorder increases; their impunity leads them to criminal offenses; they are brought to trial; and the wretches die at the hands of the executioner. You refused your personal rights over them and committed them to the severity of civil punishment, and human justice wielded its harsh rights over them. You are afraid to humiliate them with some light punishment in your presence; but what horrible dishonor shall befall you when your son is no longer around, and the father, hounded everywhere by accusing glares, no longer dares to show himself anywhere.

Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children

Admonitions for Parents 5

7. Children who are submissive and faithful to God in their obedience to His law will have found an abundant source of happiness, even in this temporal life. A poor man with Christian morals inspires respect and love from others. Meanwhile, with an evil and depraved heart, all your riches will not save you from the displeasure and aversion of everyone around you.

8. The youth to whom you give a good upbringing will not only enjoy general respect, he will also become dearer to you yourselves! Your attachment to him will not be a mere natural attraction—it will be the fruit of his virtue. For this, during your old age, you will in turn receive from him the services of his filial love. He will be your support. For just as those who do not revere the Lord also have contempt for their own parents, those who revere God, the Father of all men, will have every respect for those who gave them life.

Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children

Admonitions for Parents 4

6. The wise Sirach says: Hast thou children? Instruct them, and bow down their neck from their youth (Sir. 7:25). But the Lord does not only prompt us with this command through the lips of His prophet; he even takes our side, supporting the fulfillment of this commandment with the fearsome punishment that awaits those children who do not submit to the authority of their parents: Every man who shall speak evil of his father or of his mother, let him die the death (Lev. 20:9). He punishes with death those who become guilty before you, and you look tepidly at these sins that they commit against the highest possible authority. They are rebelling against God Him self, transgressing His commandments, and you look at this without the least displeasure, without the slightest criticism of your children. What does He have to lose from their offense? Nothing. But you, why should you not fear for your own selves? For whoever abandons the Lord will never respect either his own father or himself.

Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostom on Raising Children

Admonitions for Parents 3

4. Your children will always be sufficiently wealthy if they receive from you a good upbringing that is able to order their moral life and behavior. Thus, strive not to make them rich, but rather to make them pious masters of their passions, rich in virtues. Teach them not to think up illusory needs, reckoning their worth according to worldly standards. Attentively watch their deeds, their acquaintances and their attachments—and do not expect any mercy from God if you do not fulfill this duty.

Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostom on Raising Children

Admonitions for Parents 2

p3. This obligation belongs to fathers as well as mothers. There are fathers who spare nothing in order to secure for their children teachers of pleasure and to pander to their cravings as wealthy heirs. But so that the children would be Christians, so that they would exercise themselves in piety, is of little need to them. O criminal blindness! It is this very crude inattention that is responsible for all the disorder that causes our society to groan. Let us suppose that you have acquired large property for them. However, if they do not know how to conduct themselves sensibly this property will not last long with them. It will be squandered; it will perish with its owners, and will be their most grievous inheritance.
by St. John Chrysostomos


My introduction to this list I'll be posting for the next 25 days is here.

Admonitions for Parents 1

I found this needed (for ME) and very profound article recently titled "Admonitions for Parents: Lessons by Our Holy Father John Chrysostomos on Raising Children". It is a list of 39 admonitions and I thought it would be a great Lenten Journey, for the rest of Lent anyway. There are 26 days left until Pascha, so each day I'll post one or two of these admonitions, in order they appear in the article. I cannot find the word I want to use to describe how these admonitions REALLY grabbed my heart and soul, jerking from my selfishness and putting me in my place. So here goes day 1:

1. Having children is a matter of nature; but raising them and educating them in the virtues is a matter of mind and will. [1]

2. By the duty of raising them I mean not only not allowing them to die of hunger, as people often limit their obligation toward their children to doing. For this, is needed neither books nor rubrics, for nature speaks of it quite loudly. I am speaking of the concern for educating childrens hearts in virtues and piety—a sacred duty which cannot be transgressed without thereby becoming guilty of the childrens murder, in a certain sense.

1. The first part is taken from Christian Reading, 1838, part 4, pp. 242-253, which was taken from vol. 5, Benedict in Mund; vidua Eligatur.

My Job and goals!

Early on in the year I decided that my goal for this upcoming year was to become more organized and purposeful in my daily life. It is evident that I have a lot on my plate and at times it is overwhelming! But I believe it is overwhelming only because I typically go about the day very unorganized and without a plan. Things have been going well as I work on created cleaning schedules (I'm tired of power cleaning every time I know someone is to visit-I just want it presentable all the time--power cleans are stressful for me.) and school routines.
The last week I've been discouraged a little and so last night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep I began to pray that God clear my mind and help to keep my goals alive. That He give me wisdom and courage to keep moving forward. But most of all I wanted Him to show me clearly again what my vocation and goals ought to be.

As I lay there praying, a little boy came slowly into the room and whispered to me that he was having bad thoughts and couldn't sleep. I cuddled with him for a brief moment and then lead him back to his room. Taking an icon of the Theotokos off the dresser for him, we prayed and talked about the best "Mommy" in the world being with him, and his angel and St. Joseph and Jesus. I kissed him and said good-night and went back to bed.
As I lay there I thanked God for reminding me what my true goal is as a mother, the job He has given me....to show Him to my children! Every day with LOVE, compassion and meekness, to show my children God and His Love for them.