Prayer

As many of you know from reading Paradosis, last weekend (March 18-20) I visited the St. John the Forerunner Monastery at Goldendale. I really wanted to talk to the Abbess about some of my frustrations in regards to my family, how could I handle the ever-increasing load of responsibility that seemed to face me on a daily basis, so I requested to do so. As I sat Saturday morning very nervous about the impending meeting I thought I’d write some thoughts down on paper. But what came out seemed so trivial… and as I wrote it became ever so clearer that I already knew the answer to all these trivial matters and complaints. PRAYER

No matter the complaint, frustration, problem or job we can go to God for strength, for answers, for support, for direction. Or to take our focus off of our own pitiful self and back on God where it belongs…only through prayer can we do that.

Lord, be merciful to me sinner.

But as Gerontissa pointed out to me, prayer can be or NEEDS(for some such as I) to be as simple as using the Jesus Prayer throughout the day while working. She told me not to be so anxious but concentrate on the Jesus Prayer.

Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Fruits

Fruits of my labor

Some days, or even weeks, I feel like everything I've done is completely fruitless, for nothing! It can be so disheartening sometimes. But today...today I see the fruits of my labor! God is good! He knows just when I need a boost in my confidence!
We went to a house blessing of some dear friends/family (I consider them more family because they are the godparents of 2 of my children and we love them dearly.) today and were there right up until Great Vespers. We typically don't go to Great Vespers with ALL the children because of the timing...bedtime is 730pm/8pm and Vespers isn't over until 715pm-730pm. BUT I have been wanting to really start going because Lent is fast approaching and I want to take my children to at least a few of the PreSanctified Liturgies (they are one of my favorite services!). Anyway...of course my kids groaned and groaned and fought and groaned some more. I was soooo close to giving up, but was determined they weren't going to win this one! (Where do they get their stubbornness?)
I am sooo glad that we went! First pat on the back from God came when we were singing a very beautiful part of the service and Kelsey (8) looked up at me, paused her beautiful voice, and said "I want to come every Saturday". I think she was reminded how much she loved some of the hymns on Saturday. Ten minutes later, she looked up again and said, "I want to come Wednesday's too because that's in the middle of the week."
Pat # 2: We sat listening to Fr. James read about the Saint commemorated tomorrow and Nicholas (4) was sitting on my lap and his brother Joseph (2 1/2) next to us. They first started fighting over my lap but suddenly stopped and were holding hands and smiling at one another. Joseph whispered (imagine that..a whisper...i was shocked at that alone) "I wike you gecho." Nicho whispered to me "Mom, he likes me." and turned to his brother and said, "I love you Joe." "I love you 'gicholas'," Joseph said in return. My heart melted!
Pat #3 came while we were driving home, the 3 youngest in the back seat jabbering and I barely hear Kelsey say "OH I love the Lord! I just really love the Lord." She went on and on about how she is ready for confession, she just knows she is ready. She wants to go to confession once a month so that she doesn't forget her sins. If you only go twice a year that's too long and your list will be too long and she doesn't want to have a 2-page list of sins to confess. Then we got home and she lined up the prayer book, the bible and said she was going to pray. "I just love to pray. I'm going to pray for a long time." We read the gospel together for tomorrow and read Path to Confession. She loves that book!
And last but not least, Pat #4 came from Charissa (5 1/2). We had just, together, broken a bell she made at school and she was pretty upset. I told her it wasn't her fault, but she wouldn't hear it. It was and she tearfully said, "I didn't listen to my heart, I should have listened to my heart because it can be so helpful."

Thank you most Precious Lord, for Your grace, Your faithfulness and Your LOVE!!!!!

Quote

This does not come from a Church Father but very thought provoking nonetheless.


All sins are attempts to fill voids. - Simone Weil

traditions...

Why are traditions important? Why should I emphasize traditions in my home?

I’ve been reading an article I found in the Handmaiden, Fall 2002, written by Ginny Nieuwsma titled Lest We Forget: Keeping Traditions. I really like was she has to say about small ‘t’ traditions and there importance. Knowing what traditions are important to my family and me, will help me map out the vision of my family that I am trying to determine. But why should traditions be important? Why do we do the things we do? What difference does it make if our dyed eggs on Pascha are red or green? Or whether or not we buy our communion bread or not? Why celebrate and honor our patron saints? The list could go on for a VERY long time.

Nieuwsma say “Those who have come before speak with a collective wisdom about life and eternal truths, and about how to pass those on to the next generation. We must keep this process of handing down the faith active. Strengthening this link between the past and the future is the best way to guarantee that our children will know what’s important, and what must be cherished.”

I love it when she says, “As human beings, we crave events to look forward to, and anticipation sparks joy and creativity.” There is no better place to be to anticipate events throughout the Church year. What JOY!

“Keeping the traditions of the Church will help us remember God and keep Him at the center of our lives. This will not happen by accident. We must be deliberate and determined to repeat those things that have been given to us, and repeat them, and repeat them. Why? Because as humans, God knows we are so inclined to forget.”

“The small, everyday traditions that we embrace help guide us down a straight path.” Which is what I NEED; guidance!

Share with me what some of your family’s small ‘t’ traditions are that you’ve developed over the years. What ways are you teaching your family to always remember God and to keep Him the center of your lives?

Quotes I found on "Children"

"Many teach their children about worldly politics, others teach them to speak foreign languages: French, German, Italian, and in this spend no trifling sums. Others endeavor to teach them commerce and other arts. But hardly anyone teaches them to live in a Christian manner. However, without this, all learning is nothing and all wisdom is madness. For what does it profit a Christian to speak Italian, French and German, if he lives in an ungodly manner? What use is it to be skilled in commerce and the arts if one lacks the fear of God? God will not ask you whether you taught your children French, German or Italian or the politics of social life--but you will not escape divine reprobation for not having instilled goodness into them. I speak plainly but I tell the truth: if your children are bad, your grandchildren will be worse, and the evil will thus increase...and the root of all this is our thoroughly bad education. "
St. Tikhon of Zadonsk

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First give your children virtue as an inheritance and then distribute your estate also.
Saint Basil the Great

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The simplest means for confining the will within its proper bounds lies in disposing children to do nothing without permission. Let them be eager to run to their parents and ask: May I do this or that? They should be persuaded by their own experience and that of others that to fulfill their own desires without asking is dangerous; they should be put in such a frame of mind that they even fear their own will.
St Theophan the Recluse, "The Path to Salvation" p 58

What is education?

As I read and contemplate what my vision is for myself and my family, one of the questions that I felt that I needed to answer was "What is education?". Our society has such a broad spectrum of personal definitions of this question but what is it for me? As a mother and an Orthodox Christian how do I go about defining this term and applying it to my life and vision?
Dictionary.com defines it as:
ed·u·cate
v.

1. To develop the innate capacities of, especially by schooling or instruction. See Synonyms are teach.
2. To provide with knowledge or training in a particular area or for a particular purpose: decided to educate herself in foreign languages; entered a seminary to be educated for the priesthood.

In St. Theophan's "The Path to Salvation" he devotes an entire chapter to St. John Chysostoms thoughts on education. (Chapter 9 Lessons By Our Holy Father John Chrysostom on Education) He emphasizes "educating our children's hearts in virtue and piety". Numerous times throughout the 26 page chapter he quotes Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

I found another noteworthy quote from this section of book that I feel should not be ignored.

“If a child learns a trade, or is highly educated for a lucrative profession, all this is nothing compared to the art of detachment from riches; if you want to make your child rich teach him this.”

Note the word “art” in this quote. I found that very interesting.

In the The Handmaiden, Fall 2001, I quote Kathleen Lewis:

“Jonathan and I came into marriage at 22 years old, knowing few life skills. It has taken us 12 years to get even the basics learned, and the lack of knowing them caused conflict in our early years. We hope to give our children the skills necessary to run an efficient home.” She goes on to write out a very thorough list of goals for their family home school education. I like it:

q Cooking, meal planning

q Cleaning a home properly

q Car maintenance

q Home repair

q Laundry

q Money management

q Sewing, handiwork

q The three R’s

q Time management

q Organizing their tasks

q Setting goals

q Parenting skills

q Art

q Church History

q Lives of the Saints

q Church Feasts and Troparia

q The order of services

q Memorizing the Psalms

q Love and devotion to God’s word

q Heart of service to others

q Works of mercy

q Daily exercise (prostrations)

q Yard work, gardening

q Animal car

q Appreciation of beauty

q Classical music

This is a pretty extensive list and as I have chosen to send my children to public school I might feel defeated in thinking that I could even touch a small portion of this list. But I feel strongly that if I can accomplish what it is that I endeavor to do that my vision will lead me to use my time that I do have with my children very wisely. The times before school and after school and into the evening can be very wonderful and loving teaching moments. Learning about organization, cleaning, meal preparation, memorization, the Saints, etc. And the number of days throughout the year that they do not go to public school is numerous! Summers are full of lessons in gardening and canning, home maintenance and fishing.

“Orthodoxy spread by example” (and the love for God –added by me), writes Alvin C. Currier in his self-published, lyrical book, Karelia. “It always arrived being lived out and practiced by a person. It never came as a concept or an idea.”

An article from the Orthodox Family Life called Reinforcing Religious Education in Family Life says:

“Religious instruction was not something understood as an optional addition to a secular education—as it is today in our society. Rather the entire process of education itself was seen as something intrinsically divine because it dealt with all dimensions of life in an integral way: ‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but fools despise wisdom and instruction.’ Proverbs 1:7”

So what is MY definition of education for MY family?

Ephesians 6:4 which says “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Coupling this with teaching my children skills for life and the “art of detachment”.

I need to add a side note of this and how I plan on handling “adding” to my children public education. Alana brought up the question: “What is my role now that they are all in school? Is it still worth it to the family to have me at home?” I answered her briefly in a “comment” reply but feel this is a very important question and needs addressing as I try and determine my vision for my family. While my children are in public school my hope is that they will begin a cooperative education next year in where parents are required to put in 80 hours a year to help out. These are mostly worked in the classroom but there are other ways to help. When you have a classroom full of students whose parents really do care about their education and want to be involved I think it really changes the atmosphere. I will be very involved in their secular education. When they are at school and I am at home my hope is to become very diligent in my prayers FOR them. My hope is that my prayers offered up FOR them more often and more consistently will help to make the road they travel more bearable. Some may say, “why aren’t you praying for them now?” but my only reply would be that I am but it’s far more difficult to do the amount of prayers that I really wish I could do when there are yet two very young and active little boys in the home. I try to do my best and I try to whisper the Jesus Prayer throughout the entire day but I would love to be able to pray the entire Akathist to the Nurturer of Children EVERYDAY. Can I do that now? No it would be unrealistic of me to even try. Bits and pieces here and there float up to our Awesome God, but oh how I wish for more. “In time” is what I’ve heard from others who’ve been where I am now.

Homemaking and Motherhood II

I just read an article in The Handmaiden by Fr. John Mack. It was a question/answer style article and the question asked was "What are the problems causing the breakdown of marriage today? Has that changed from, say, fifty years ago?"

His reply:
"I've done a lot of thinking about this one, especially as I talk to couples. I really believe that the number one problem today is the fact that most of us live seperate from our extended family. We live in a world in which the family unit, the nuclear family, is very often isolated from an extended family, from a community. We don't see our extended family often, we don't even know our neighbors. We're so busy going back and forth to work that there's not a sense of community. What has happened is that the individual relationship between husband and a wife has to be so much more than it was eighty years ago. When I talk to people who have been married 50-60 years, they have a realistic attitude about their marriage--'My husband is wonderful, but there are some things that he doesn't do well.' But most of those people lived in the context of a larger family or community in which they never expected their husbands or wives to meet their every need. Thus they were able to support each other and receive from each other, without demanding that the marriage be everything.
It seems to me in our modern day, when we're so isolated from our extended family and community, there's so much more pressure on the relationship. Especially when you add kids. In the old days, when your child was driving you nuts, you could say, 'Would you go across the street and spend some time with Aunt Jane?' You could pass your child off and have some time to reflect. Now, in most families, we live in our little houses. We come home and we're tired from work. The nuclear family has to do everything. God never intended the nuclear family to be everything. I often say to husbands and wives that there is no way that one person is going to meet all of your emtional needs. It's not possible. We have to live our marriages out in light of a larger community."

This short paragraph speaks VOLUMES! (The bold within the quote was my emphasis.)

And makes me wish even more desperately for the gap of 1700 miles to close between my extended family and me.

Homemaking and Motherhood

I've been thinking for quite some time about my "job" as a mother and homemaker. I struggle almost daily with thoughts about what I am to be doing day in and day out. In 8 years of being a mother and homemaker I still have not really figured out how my day should run. I know there are certain things that ought to be accomplished such as dishes and laundry and general cleaning, but I do spend a great deal of time feeling overwhelmed with thoughts of "where do I start?" and "what do I do next?" Fifty or more years ago our families had the help of their extended families.
(I want to share something I just read about extended families a little later.)
If you didn't have your extended family, even as little as 30+ years ago, you had community. People knew their neighbors! They helped one another. Our extended families not only helped us with our families, but they taught us! Children were taught from an early age to do things around the house. As they got older they were then given responsibilities, not because it was good for them but because it was expected of them. EVERYONE helped. They were taught how to cook, clean, milk, sew and garden. They helped with younger siblings. It wasn't a burden to have a big family but actually helpful because they typically had so much more to do in a day. They did not have all the modern conveniences that we do which, in my opinion, leaves us with so much time on our hands (wondering what should be done next). The we fill our time with empty activities; tv, computer, extracurriucular activities. We feel like we must 'entertain' our children rather than teach them to take care of themselves AND others. They have PBS and Noggin as early as two and three-years-old. The finger is pointed directly at me for I am the perfect example of one who uses the black box way too much!

As this has been on the forefront of my mind the las few weeks and as I've also been thinking a lot about my children and the world that they must face, it's come to my attention that I have no vision for myself or for them.
I know that this is the most important job I could ever have. I know that I want to raise my kids love and obey God and so much more, but what does this all really mean? I think that if I plug along day in and day out but have no vision for myself or my family then I am really missing out on a lot. If I were to create a vision, it would create a path for me to follow, it would turn on a light.

What is my vision for my family? To know the answer to this question I think I'd like need to understand the following a bit better:
-What does it mean to Love?
-Why do "idle hands make mischief"?
-What is orderliness? and why is it so important?
-What traditions are important to me?
-What is education?

I hope to answer these and more in future posts. My goal is to develop a vision in order to help better prioritize my tasks and responsibilities.

Now, I must run to clean up lunch, vacuum and fold laundry.

My thoughts overflow....

I really need to get on here more often and write! My thoughts are just overflowing with jibberish stuff.

We woke up to snow today!!!! It was SO wonderful and beautiful and pure! The snow cleansed my yard with beauty once again. Charissa woke up about 630am and I drag myself out of bed....I did NOT want to get up...to follow her out of the bedroom. We walk into the dark dining room and passed the slider, she stops, yells "MOM" and points out the slider where the porch light is shining on a beautiful layer of snow. Her jaw dropped to the floor she melts to her knees. She stays there for quite awhile talking about how beautiful it is as if she is in love. It was angelic! Well worth dragging myself out of bed way too early.
My kids love the snow so much they spent a great deal of the day outside building snowmen...i think there were 4 1/2 total by the end of the day. And they spent a good deal of the day talking about wanting to live in MN or AK and I kept telling them Grandma Faith (who lives in MN) didn't even have snow.
Later in the day on the way to Great Vespers Kelsey's eyes were glued to the thermometer in the car as we drove....34*, 33*, 34*, and every time it dropped she'd squeal and every time it rose she'd moan knowing that if it went to 32* it was freezing and more snow could come. I had to keep reminding her we needed moisture too. On the way home it hit 32* and she squealed with delight, laughing and giggling. It was sooo funny.
Presently it is 31.5 degrees and there is a slight chance of precipitation. I would give anything to be dragged from my bed again at 6:30 tomorrow morning to squeals of delight!

An Amazing Moment for me

As I showed my frustration towards her inability to stop this terrible habit (that I feel I started her on) I looked at her face and saw so much deeper than I ever have before. She wasn't upset, I don't think, but she was so solemn and for the first time I saw inside this girl who is just like me. She's a girl, a child, with a heart, soul, thoughts just as my own. When someone speaks to her harshly, she would feel just as I would when someone speaks harshly at me. My heart froze, my mind raced & and words stopped short. How must I look to her? How must she feel sensing the disappointment in my tone and words over such a silly thing. Why did it take me so long to see depper into my children? Why do we react SO quickly & sharply to their mistakes, to their actions and energies? Sometimes I think they are almost like foreigners to us. We expect so much out of them but do not look beyond their faces and into their hearts. Why have I never seen behind their outter layers and into their heart? They're so beautiful on the outside, we dote on their beauty, making them so handsome and beautiful for others to look at and we feel so proud. But their inner beauty needs to be nurtured, to be loved and cultivated. She needs to see God in me! The God that is loving with a limitless love, the God that is patient with me. She needs to see God in me!

Amazing how time flies!

I finally decided after woman's fellowship last night that I really needed to start my blogging...so that I could really think through this amazing book that we are reading. There is so much to absorb and think about I thought it would be fun to blog about it just in case someone else might be interested in this amazing book. I was completely shocked to see that I created this blog 6 months ago!!! WoW!

The book that our (St. Paul Antiochian Orthodox Church Women's Fellowship) group is reading is called "In Thy Presence" by Fr. Lev Gillet. It is published by St. Vladimir's Seminary Press, just in case you find yourself wanting a copy for yourself.

The first 75 pages of this book are devoted to God's "Limitless Love". Just think about that for one moment. Can we ever really comprehend His LIMITLESS Love? Limitless! Limitless...do we know how to love with limitless love let alone feel the limitless love of our Creator? It is written as if God is speaking to us. It is eloquent and poetic...simply beautiful!


"Whoever thou mayest be, whatsoever thou mayest be, says the Lord Love, at this very moment, My hand rests on thee.
This gesture means that I love thee and that I call thee."

No matter the circumstances in my life, no matter where I am or what I am doing, God is loving ME!!! Loving YOU!!!

Here I am!

Okay, so I've finally given in and joined the crowd of bloggers. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to talk about but would like to possibly share and talk about some of the things that I have been reading. I've been reading some amazing things lately and they have had a profound effect on me.

Here is a little bit about me.
My name is Susan Sophia Ferrenberg, my patron saint as you have probably guessed is St. Sophia, mother of Faith, Hope and Love. I'm an Orthodox Christian of 2 1/2 years with my amazing husband James (who is NOT a stranger to the blogging world-Paradosis), my lovely daughters KelseyAnna(7) and Charissa(4 1/2) and my two little boys Nicholas(3) and Joseph(almost 2). (Can you guess at about where we became Orthodox?) We live in Bothell, WA and worship at St. Paul Antiochian Orthodox Church with many wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am amazed daily at God's blessings and can only hope and pray that I will never take them for granted. God is good and truly amazing. May I be able to share adequately my feelings and beliefs with any who happen upon this way.

Lord have mercy!

In Christ,
SusanSophia