A Little Change in My Counting

When I started re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp I was just going to blog my list.  But it became slightly inconvenient since I wasn't writing anything down.  I'd see something I would want to add to my list only to forget about it when it came time to sit and blog. So it has become clear that I need to keep my journal active.
I'm going to keep my journal accessible all day long.  I think I might even encourage the children to write things down that they are grateful for or blessed by.  And then leave their initials after their entry.  

"The only way to keep in time with your Beloved--is to keep counting blessings." --Ann Voskamp

22. snow very gently and lightly falling on a crisp cold day
23. home after a full day of co-op to the smell of dinner hot and ready
24. stacks and stacks of clean laundry created by a mother who is truly going to spoil me
25. laughter and giggles coming from the backseat, albeit loud, is so much better than the alternative

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
    For His mercy endures forever.

Oh, give thanks to the God of gods!
    For His mercy endures forever. 

 Oh, give thanks to the Lord of lords!
    For His mercy endures forever:

Psalm 136: 1-3 

Gifts for today

16. New eggs from new hens who just turned 21 weeks.

17.  Enthusiasm from a 5-year old Alex who says, "They are moms now." And diligently helped me clean nests and get them into the new coop for the "new moms".

18. Crisp, cold sun shining BRIGHTLY all day long.

19. an early start to the school day

20. boys playing outside in the crisp air and then hauling wood to burn

21. frozen mud! 






  One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp

Gifts 12-15

12. Singing stichera for Vespers 
13. a quiet car ride to school
14. clean folded laundry waiting for me when I got home from school--thanks mom!
15. Joseph's enthusiasm when the snow started falling. He bundled up as if there was a foot of snow and went to "play in the snow".  :)

Finding Joy

Can there be a good God? A God who graces with good gifts when a crib lies ampty through long nights, and bugs burrow through coffins? Where is God, really? How can He be good when babies die, and marriages, implode, and dreams blow away, dust in the wind? Where is grace bestowed when cancer gnaws and loneliness aches and nameless plcaes in us soudlessly die, break off withou reason, erode away. Where hides this joy of the Lord, this God who fills the earth with good things, and how do I fully live when life is full of hurt? How do I wake up to jo and grac and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out? My family--my dad, my mama, my brother and youngest sister--for years, we all silently ask these auestions. For years, we come up empty. And for years, we fill again--with estrangement.

Ann Voskamp chapter 1: A emptier, fuller life

One Thousand Gifts...

7. bedroom lights turned off without being asked!
8. little baby girls circling the nave, venerating icons over and over and over again.
9. a game of Xbox Bowling ( VERY active and true to bowling) for family night...sweet...I won!!
10. being able to help mom refinance car and retitle her car and feel a little more secure
11. no rain, for one day in January.

Gifts 4-6

Re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp could prove to be a life changer. God will be the life changer I'm sure.

4. Sweet 2 year olds falling asleep during the Great Blessing of Water
5. Conversations with an excited thirteen year old dear daughter about her afternoon away from home. 6. A sweet glass of wine at the end of a long day while gabbing with my awesome man.

Thankfulness

I've left this space behind for far too long.  My dear friend has inspired me to come back.  To record life. And what better way to do that than to record thanks. 

I read Ann Voskamps, One Thousand Gifts, before.  A long time ago. But I forgot.  Which happens when life takes over.  We forget. 

I don't want to forget any longer. I want to find thanks. To find joy. To move forward.

So I am rereading One Thousand Gifts.  I'm going to count my blessings, my gifts.  Found in the every day. Little things we miss constantly.  Like:

1. Little boys, warm and sleepy, crawling out of bed to cuddle against me as I type.
2. Bigger boys singing loudly, theme songs from The Hobbit.
3. Crisp, white frosty mornings.

about Complaining

This was posted at The Morning Offering Wednesday... It spoke to my heart today as I complain about the fact that it is pouring rain.  No, I wasn't being treated unfairly by people, but this is very good to remember when complaining about anything!  I will read it to the children today.

If we are always complaining about how unfairly we are treated, we will have failed in our imitation of Christ, Who was abused by His enemies unto death. We should strive to reign with Our Lord by loving our enemies and never complain. Christ looked towards His Heavenly Father and when we are tempted to complain we should gaze upon the cross.

Complaining disturbs the heart and distracts us from the Path. Complaining weakens our resolve and interferes with the acquisition of peace and holiness. When we complain we are rejecting the role of suffering as a means towards the union with God. Complaining keeps our heart from soaring to the heavens and experiencing the joy that can be had when we surrender ourselves into the protective arms of Jesus.

With love in Christ,
Abbot Tryphon  

 

Lent

We begin our journey through Great Lent.
Preparing ourselves to meet our Risen Lord we ask forgiveness.
Please forgive me brothers and sisters, wherein I have sinned in word, thought or deed.
We spend more time in prayer, hoping to become more like Him.
We fast in order to "gain mastery over oneself and to conquer the passions of the flesh. It is to liberate oneself from dependence on the things of this world in order to concentrate on the things of the Kingdom of God." (V. Rev. Thomas Hopko)
We give alms more often as we were commanded to. ...if any one has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? (I John 3:17)

Beware of practicing your piety before men, in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give alms, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do…that they may be praised by men. Truly, I say to you, they have their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:1-4)

May you have a fruitful Lent.

See you on the bright side!

motherhood=servanthood

This may sound like a terrible thing. Sometimes I believe it. But in reality, our Lord, came to this earth to serve and that is what we are called to do.
My last 2 posts have been about this lovely woman, Sally Clarkson. She is a very wise woman and she longs to share her wisdom with us through her books and blog. She has raised 4 lovely children and she served. She put God first and served her children as Christ served when He walked the earth. The fruit of her labor is obvious and beautiful.

She wrote this on her blog. I wrote it down but neglected to write the link of the original post. I'm still searching for it, but I do know she wrote it.

Consequently, it is not in getting the rules right or in defining all of the rules and theology that will make our children want to serve God. It is in laying down our life for them, serving them, listening to them, loving who God made them within the context of a call to holiness, that will secure in them a desire to love God with all of their hearts. By seeing our love, they will more easily understand and receive God’s love, as it will already be familiar to their hearts and brains.

--Sally Clarkson

The Ministry of Motherhood

I came across this book recently and got it from the library. It is by Sally Clarkson. This is another one of those books sent to me by God. The subtitle is Following Christ's Example in Reaching the Hearts of our Children. She takes a look at the life of Christ and shows you how you should model your mothering after Christ and how he trained up His disciples. How did he do that?

He called them into a relationship with Him. He extended to them the grace of His fellowship, His love, His instruction. With them He was patient, encouraging, loving, and forgiving. His whole relationship with them was built on the foundation of friendship. He gave them the gift of himself. And then he asked them to pass along that gift to the world.

In part 1 we read about the first "gift" we see in Christ, the gift of grace. And in my opinion the foundation of it all.

The one thing I need to hammer into my mind over and over again...

Each of us is designed by God to whisper His words to the hearts of our children so they will feel the call of God in their own lives to become “fishers of men”. Yet we must always remember that our children, like Peter, will never be perfect. Each of them needs for us, like Jesus, to extend to him or her, the gift of constant love, grace, and forgiveness. And we can only do this by relying continually on the grace of our own relationship with the Lord.

Sharing something worth sharing.

I came across a wonderful book called "Ministry of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. I've read the first couple chapters and have learned so much my mind and heart of are overflowing. I plan to post some snippets from the book so. It is so profound!
But in the meantime, I was reading the authors blog and came across this blog post, "Sacrifice, yes, Mundane-shoot me now". Check it out!

passion pit?

In my last post I mentioned the "passion pit" aka Facebook and I thought I should clarify something. I don't want to offend anyone who is on there. I used to be on Facebook. For me it's the passion pit...I named it that because of me. It drew out of me the passions that I am so desperately trying to conquer. The passions of pride, jealousy, anger and sloth. It wasn't worth it. It still draws them out sometimes as I become aware from time to time that I might be "missing out" on some sort of news.
I know Facebook is a wonderful place for so many, but for me, this weak sinner, I just had to leave.

Menus

It is no secret that I am not very organized, especially when it comes to cooking and menu planning. I have a desire to and I've heard it said that the state of your home, organized or not, is a reflection of the state of your soul. That freaks me out because I desire for my soul to NOT be in utter chaos!
That being said, I work daily on the state of my house. Decluttering and trying to make some semblance of organized routine, of any kind. My mom recently discovered a new website network called Pinterest. I haven't been able to explore it much because you have to be a member to explore it too much and you can't join without being invited. But it looks like an online bulletin board of sorts where you can share ideas. Anyway, she found this very cool idea for menu planning and sent me a picture of it. I immediately fell in love with it and today I created my own version.
I had an OLD tea tray hanging around that used to be my grandmothers and I always said I wanted to do something with it. So I thought it very fitting to use as my frame for my menu board.
Here is a picture...
Along the left there is a column of clothes pins marked with S, M, T, W, T, F, S for the days of the week. The black squares are pockets that will hold menu cards. I do want to put labels on my pockets, one for fasting meals and one for non-fasting meals. In the original post the gal had a stack of meal cards in one pocket. As she used them she moved them to the other pocket so as not to use the same meal in a certain length of time (as many cards as she had). But I don't mind if we have the same meal each week if we feel like it. So I'll have the 2 pockets for the 2 different kinds of meals since we need fasting meals every Wednesday and Friday at minimum.
In the original post, the gal used an 11x7 wooden frame for hers. She attached the clothespins to the frame along the long side, the frame was in the portrait position.
I'm very excited about this. It will make menu planning SO easy!!! I can even have the kids help.
On another note...I WAS hoping to sign up with Pinterest. I thought it looked so cool. So I had my mom invite me. Boy was I disappointed to learn that I need to be part of the passion pit (aka Facebook) in order to join. Bummer. Looks cool.

Procrastination

Abbot Tryphon posted this today...Procrastination.
It is well worth the read!

Thanks!

After my last post and since we just finished the Thanksgiving holiday I just want to say thank you! Thank you for the encouraging words. God is so Good!!!

Fr. Vasilli, thank you for the encouragement with regards to the "farm". I still use "farm" in quotes because it's still very much in baby mode. We spent Thanksgiving weekend in Yakima, WA a rural farming community and it really re-inspired my love for that which is self-sufficiency and accomplishing this through farming. I have so much to learn. But am inspired to move forward! If you still would like to chat via email it's susansophia(dot)f(at)gmail(dot)com.

Mimi! Thank you so much! You are a dear and I wish we lived closer! Although you aren't that far away and I can't believe I've never been to Holy Resurrection! I hope we can chat soon!

Xenia...I read your post recently regarding the Women's Retreat and I so dearly wish that I could have been there. One of the reasons is that I long to just chat with you! It really is too bad that it was butted up against the OCA AAC. Next year!

Thank you all. I can't believe people still read this. I have so little to say anymore. But I am truly blessed by this little online connection. Please keep in touch.

If I can't have my Orthodox Intentional Community than this will certainly do. Love to hear form you all.

Confession of a hypocrite

I find the need to be real. One of the real dangers of the internet and creating a journal online or being a part of FB (aka. the Passion Pit) is that we often times don't show the world our true self. We often, without realizing it, only show our best days, or even that which we wish we could have. Oh I know you all know of this danger. It's really old news that we've all talked about before. It's safe to show the best. We know no one will think ill of us. But I don't think we intentionally only show our best and today I feel the need to be real. Mostly I hope to find that maybe, just maybe, I will find that I am not alone. Deep down inside I know that I am not alone, but it's hard to see that.

I've become increasingly aware of the fact that I have lived a profoundly pharisaical life. I looked up the word hypocrite:

Definition of HYPOCRITE

1

: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion

2

: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

Yep, that's me.

I'm sure many others have known this about me for quite some time, but for me to fully grasp this has taken, well, all my life. The scales have slowly fallen from my eyes and it's not pretty and rather painful to see how hypocritical I've lived.
I remember almost 2 years ago when I was helping someone homeschool another family. They came into my home every day to do school with us. It was one of the hardest things in the world for me because suddenly my safe haven was taken away from me. The place I felt I could be free to be who I was and suddenly I had to be "perfect" even in my own home. Talk about facades. That's the time the first set of scales fell off.
But most recently the scales have fallen off to reveal the hypocrisy of something completely different but hypocrisy nonetheless. It doesn't really matter what it is but just the fact that I have this whole set of beliefs that I profess but do not live my life according to those beliefs.

It makes it difficult for those around me to respect and trust me. And this is truly the most painful thing that one can open their eyes to. But I believe it is one of the best.

There is a song by BarlowGirl called “I need you to love me” and it has really ministered to my empty heart lately. The first verse says…

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.

The line I bolded is exactly what I was talking about. It is the pain that we feel that opens our eyes to the truth. And with truth, hopefully, comes growth.

By finally seeing the truth I pray that I can finally, with a trueness not seen before, bow before God as the publican did. “And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.”

Kontakion, tone 4: Let us avoid the proud speaking of the Pharisee and learn humility from the groans of the Publican, and let us cry in penitence: O Saviour of the world, be merciful to Thy servants.

A Must See Movie...Coming Soon to Theaters Near You

Honor Begins at Home

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect. As law enforcement officers, Adam Mitchell, Nathan Hayes, David Thomson, and Shane Fuller are confident and focused. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.

While they consistently give their best on the job, good enough seems to be all they can muster as dads. But they're quickly discovering that their standard is missing the mark.

When tragedy hits home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God ... and to their children?

Filled with action-packed police drama, COURAGEOUS is the fourth film from Sherwood Pictures, the movie making ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. Riveted moviegoers will once again find themselves laughing, crying, and cheering as they are challenged and inspired by everyday heroes who long to be the kinds of dads that make a lifelong impact on their children.

Protecting the streets is second nature to these men. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That's courageous.

In Theaters September 30

Consumers For Dental Choice